I mentioned in my last post that I was getting stressed out by the scales and I was going to stop weighing every week. I have done just that. The scales are in the closet. Not that far away, but I have to work to get them out and weigh, so it has worked. I'm not jumping on the scales every other day to see if I've lost anymore. I did get weighed last Monday at my surgeon's office, but that doesn't count. I haven't weighed myself since then. Believe me, I'll still weigh myself, just not as often. It does give me motivation to see though numbers drop, but should not stress me out or discourage me.
About my 6 month post op appointment with my surgeon, it went very well. I know not everybody who follows my blog reads my facebook page, so for some of you, this is old news. I had lost 100 pounds as of my appointment. My surgeon, Dr. Richard was pleased with my progress and had good things to say. He also told me that my weight loss was probably going to slow down from what it has been in the last 6 months. He said that he didn't want me to get discouraged when this happens. He said I would plateau more often, but the weight should continue to come off as long as I stayed true to the program. I am doing my best. I see him again in 6 months. I have to get some lab work done to make sure I don't have any deficiencies. I take a boat load of vitamins and supplements everyday. It's good to check though.
Last night, I had a piece of baked fish and then had a couple of bites of green beans. They looked good and I wanted some. Big mistake! It was too much. I was full after the fish and should have stopped. I was miserable for a while as always when I over eat, but this time it did not go away. It felt like if I opened my mouth, you would see the green beans. They were not going down. Finally, I got very nauseated and went and vomited the beans up. This is the first time I have vomited food back up. It was my fault. I should have stopped after the fish. I know that when I feel full that I should stop eating. Actually, I felt much better after I vomited, but I hate to throw up. Really, hate it! I hope I will learn from this mistake .It just seems like because I eat such a little amount, that my stomach should be able to hold more. Duh!!! I had surgery to make my stomach much smaller. Obviously, it worked.
Today, I have been more careful about the amount I eat and have stopped when I felt full. Like I've said before, I'm never really hungry, so I don't eat out of hunger. I eat out of habit and only because I want it. I don't eat "bad" things. No cookies, potato chips or any junk. I am eating healthy. I just need to be careful about the amount. Today, I have been frustrated that I think so much about eating. There is more to life than what I am going to eat, and life after weight loss surgery. I say this, then remember that is has only been 6 months since surgery and I need to give myself a break. I do have to be careful and plan my meals. It's what I have to do to be successful after this surgery. I am not through losing weight and still need to be very aware of what I eat. It is NOT all I think about really. I have responsibilities and I keep them. I don't really have tunnel vision about this part of my life. I need to give myself a break. This is important work I'm doing and it involves thought and planning. When I get this way, I need to get up and go outside, walk or be active in some way. I certainly don't do nearly enough exercise.
My sister gave me some dresses that I had packed up at her house. They were dresses I wore back in the late 1980's. I was much smaller then. Two of the dresses are actually still in style after all these years.They are a pretty classic look. I tried them on before even looking at the sizes. They did not fit and I was discouraged. I am not there yet, but it doesn't mean I won't get there. Again, I need to give myself a break. My sister still has more clothes that are mine. They are different sizes. I need to go and see what I've got and if I can wear any of them now. It doesn't mean I'm a failure. I just have more work to do.
You might be reading this and thinking, "Good grief! She has lost 100 pounds and is whining about it not being enough." It isn't enough, but I also know that I have done really well. I am my own worse enemy. I knew in the beginning that this was going to be a long journey. It was going to take time. I just want to be honest about my feelings and be true myself. Everyday is not like this. Some days I am so happy about where I've come from and my good results. Be patient with me. Again, this is hard work. Some days I want to eat like I used to before the surgery. Eating fatty food was a comfort and I thought made me feel better. I know it didn't really comfort me. I would just tell myself that. Eating healthy is so much better for me and is helping lose weight. That should be enough of a reward, but it isn't always. I just want what I want. I'm stomping my foot here. Get over yourself, Bonnie. You are doing what you need to do and the result will be good. Just be patient.
That's enough. Until next time,
Woof from Phoebe, meows from Hannah and Houdini and xoxo from me.
