I can't believe it either. October 16 was my one year surgerversary. Plus, I'm way past due an update. My facebook peeps already know most of the happenings of these fast few months, but if you don't follow my facebook page, this will be news to you.
In my last post, which was in August, I wanted to lose another 7 pounds before my anniversary. I had lost 133 pound. That would make a total of 140 pounds. Well, I did much better than that. I lost 19 more pounds for an amazing total of 152 pounds. It seems unreal to me, but it is true. The scales back me up and my clothes show it. Just as a comparison, I was wearing a size 34 woman's pants or in scrub pant sizes a 5X. I now wear an 16/18 or a size L (large) pants, and that's not woman's plus sizes. In tops, I was wearing a 5X but now wear a L (large). My bra and panties sizes have changed as well, but I won't bore you with those details. I can actually go in a store and shop in the regular person's department. By that, I mean, I don't have to go to the plus size department. I usually head that way, but have to stop myself and remember that I can't wear those clothes anymore. They are too big.
I have been enjoying wearing smaller sizes clothes that belonged to my sister and my mother. My sister had bypass surgery like I did, but, unfortunately, she has gained her weight back. My mother passed away 4 years ago and she loved clothes. My sister had saved some of her, "not so matronly" looking clothes. So, I have had a wide assortment of "new" clothes to wear at my new sizes. I have also bought a few things at a local thrift store. I haven't wanted to spend much money on clothes because I was changing sizes so quickly. I've been right stylish, if I do say so myself.
It's so strange to look at myself in the mirror and see myself at one size and then hold up the sizes I actually fit into and see the difference. It's hard to change that mind set of being a certain size. I even think that I cannot fit into a chair or a passageway which I actually can. My perception of myself is so inaccurate. I guess my mind will catch up with my body. It has happened so quickly.
I saw my surgeon on Oct 28 for my one year checkup and he was pleased, but more importantly, I was pleased for myself. For the first time in my life, I didn't dread getting on the scales at the doctor's office. He didn't say, but I asked how much more he thought I still needed to lose. He said 20-25 pounds. I would like to lose another 28, which would put me at 160 pounds. I see the surgeon again in another 6 months, so I think that is a doable goal. I have had people say to me that I could stop right now and look fine, and that feels good, but I am not satisfied where I am. I want to lose more to be at a healthier weight.
My support person, and dear friend, Edel, who has been with me from the beginning of this journey (from informational seminar to surgery and present) went with me to a celebration put on by the surgeon's office for patient's who are one year or more out from surgery. It was last Sunday, Nov 3, so I just made it into the one year category. I got several surprise reactions from the office staff who had not seen me in 6 months. Talk about an ego boost. We heard inspirational stories, danced, and had pictures taken. It really was a fun time.
This has gotten sort of long, so I will end for now. I do want to talk about emotional changes I have had in the past several months, but I'll be back soon to discuss those. Promise. That is always more difficult to talk about, rather than just reporting as I have today.
Until then,
Woof from Phoebe, meow x 2 from Hannah & Houdini, and xoxo from me, the changing woman.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Still losing pounds and inches. Yahoo!
It's been a little over a month since my last post, and it's time for an update. Since then I have lost another 13 pounds. That makes a total of 133 pounds in 10 months My losses have slowed down some, but I can't complain about that. My one year anniversary will be October 16 and I would like to lose at least another 7 pounds by the to make a total of 140 pounds lost. I will see my surgeon the end of October, so that is my next goal. I have been sort of a slacker with getting in all my protein and water everyday, but I'm still eating very well. My diet still consist mostly of protein, but I do try and get some vegetables and fruit, too. I need to start drinking my protein shake at least once daily again. I need to get in 64 ounces of water a day, as well. I fill full so quickly, it is hard to eat and drink when I'm not feeling hungry. I'm pretty sure I am not eating enough everyday, which can slow down weight loss. I'm also not real crazy about my protein drinks so it has been easy to just skip it. I'm pretty sure I've whined about the protein drinks before. That has not changed. They are not complete disgusting, so I need to suck it up and start drinking it again. It's about the only way to get my required protein in. I keep water with me all the time. I flavor it with a sugar free grape powder most all the time. You would think I would get tired of grape, but I don't. Water is all I drink. No more sodas, carbonated drinks of any kind and no caffeine. I don't drink coffee or tea anymore. I have just gotten out of the habit of drinking coffee in the morning. Besides, adding milk or some dairy product to it makes my stomach hurt. I used to love coffee, but not at the price of feeling yucky. I cannot drink with meals and I'm supposed to not drink for 30 minutes before and after a meal. I am good about doing that. If you drink, you are too full to eat. About 3 swallows of water start to fill me up. I know that constantly sipping is the best way to get that water in, but it's hard to do. I am going to be better about having more protein, via protein shakes, and getting in that water. I am.
I'm still walking about 4 times a week, sometimes more than that. My friend, Rosemary, is good about being my walking buddy and encouraging me to get out there. We have walking paths around town that are great to walk on. They are beautiful paths and always follow the Little Tennessee River. We see a lot of birds and other critters. We also see beautiful flowers and weeds that flower that are just as pretty. My limit is 2 miles, but could probably push myself to walk more at a time. My knees are starting to hurt more, so it's time for cortisone shots again. I see my orthopedist in the morning. As long as the shots help, I am going to put off surgery as long as possible. I have lost the weight my doctor wanted me to lose before he did the knee replacements, but I would like to get more off before surgery. We'll see how that goes and how bad the pain gets without any relief.
Even though I am losing slower, I am still losing inches. I honestly cannot believe the sizes that fit me now. I still want to shop in woman's sizes, just out of habit, but they are too big for me now. My next door neighbor has given me some clothes of her's that do not fit and my sister has given me a lot of her smaller size clothes and some of my mother's clothes that I can now wear. I think I've got my wardrobe for fall and winter covered.
I've had a busy day, so I'm going to stop for now. I need to post again soon about my anxiety of not losing any more or worse yet, gaining it back. I'm pretty confident that I'm not going to let that happen, but it still scares me that it could happen. Losing weight and keeping it off is going to be a ongoing battle for me. I know this and have to stay strong. I have to remind myself daily that this is a lifestyle change and not just a diet to lose weight.
Thanks again to all of you who get me support and encourgement in my journey. If you want to see my most current pictures, check out my facebook page. I've got to figure out how to post pictures on this blog.
Until then,
Woof and woof again from Phoebe, meows from Hannah & Houdini and xoxo from me, the shrinking woman.
I'm still walking about 4 times a week, sometimes more than that. My friend, Rosemary, is good about being my walking buddy and encouraging me to get out there. We have walking paths around town that are great to walk on. They are beautiful paths and always follow the Little Tennessee River. We see a lot of birds and other critters. We also see beautiful flowers and weeds that flower that are just as pretty. My limit is 2 miles, but could probably push myself to walk more at a time. My knees are starting to hurt more, so it's time for cortisone shots again. I see my orthopedist in the morning. As long as the shots help, I am going to put off surgery as long as possible. I have lost the weight my doctor wanted me to lose before he did the knee replacements, but I would like to get more off before surgery. We'll see how that goes and how bad the pain gets without any relief.
Even though I am losing slower, I am still losing inches. I honestly cannot believe the sizes that fit me now. I still want to shop in woman's sizes, just out of habit, but they are too big for me now. My next door neighbor has given me some clothes of her's that do not fit and my sister has given me a lot of her smaller size clothes and some of my mother's clothes that I can now wear. I think I've got my wardrobe for fall and winter covered.
I've had a busy day, so I'm going to stop for now. I need to post again soon about my anxiety of not losing any more or worse yet, gaining it back. I'm pretty confident that I'm not going to let that happen, but it still scares me that it could happen. Losing weight and keeping it off is going to be a ongoing battle for me. I know this and have to stay strong. I have to remind myself daily that this is a lifestyle change and not just a diet to lose weight.
Thanks again to all of you who get me support and encourgement in my journey. If you want to see my most current pictures, check out my facebook page. I've got to figure out how to post pictures on this blog.
Until then,
Woof and woof again from Phoebe, meows from Hannah & Houdini and xoxo from me, the shrinking woman.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Some things change.....some don't.
It's been way too long since my last post, which was in May. Now we're in July and time for an update. Life has been busy, or it seems that way anyway. I feel like I am taking my new eating habits a little more in stride, but my eyes are still always too big for my stomach. I put way too much food on my plate before I eat. I am a little better at it at home, but when I'm out with people at a party or gathering, I still overfill my plate. The good news is, I don't eat it all and try to stop before I feel too full. I think my choices are good, but there are some things I just want to taste. Usually, a taste, or even a smell, is all I need to satisfy me. At a gathering to celebrate the 4th of July, I did have ice cream that I knew would not set well with me. Everybody was eating it and I wanted to taste. I had a little more than a taste and sure enough, I didn't feel afterwards. I didn't go overboard, but I knew better. I do occasionally eat things that are not staying true to my program. Planning everything that goes in my mouth is hard and eating out or even alone, sometimes I just want something in particular. I try not to restrict myself completely so I don't feel so deprived, but I know that some choices are better than others. I try not to refer to certain foods as "bad", but I know that there will be consequences to eating those foods. I want to continue to lose weight and I know that by eating foods high in protein and low in fat, sugar and carbs will help me to meet that goal. That's not a hard concept. I know what I need to do to get the results I want. Of course, there are going to be times when my weight will plateau. I hate it, but that's the way it is, and it's actually probably a good thing. Your body needs a chance to catch up with the pounds that are coming off. I have had some plateaus, but actually my excess weight is coming off fast. It is hard to be eating well and the number on the scale does not move. I have to remind myself fairly often that I did not put the excess weight on quickly and I need to be patient with it coming off.
Since my last post, I have lost another 20 pounds. That is a total of 120 pounds lost in almost 9 months. That ain't too shabby. I am moving so much better. My stamina is so much better. I can actually walk 2 miles without panting and wanting to sit down every few feet. My blood pressure is better and I am taking less medication. My clothes sizes continue to get smaller. It's all good. Well, it's all good except for sagging excess skin. But, you know what? I'm just trying not to be so concerned about that right now. I still have more to lose and I am going to probably get more of that excess skin. There is nothing I can do about it now. I'll decide what course I want to take when I get to my goal weight, or at least a size I am happy with, regardless of what the scales say. I could exercise more and perhaps do some weight training, but I don't think that will help. My age has a lot to do with my skin not being so forgiving. I don't have to decide that today.
That's it for now. I'm feeling good and I'm going to continue to work toward that goal of being a healthier person and being happy in my own skin.
Woof, from Phoebe, Meows form Hannah and Houdini and xoxo from me.
Since my last post, I have lost another 20 pounds. That is a total of 120 pounds lost in almost 9 months. That ain't too shabby. I am moving so much better. My stamina is so much better. I can actually walk 2 miles without panting and wanting to sit down every few feet. My blood pressure is better and I am taking less medication. My clothes sizes continue to get smaller. It's all good. Well, it's all good except for sagging excess skin. But, you know what? I'm just trying not to be so concerned about that right now. I still have more to lose and I am going to probably get more of that excess skin. There is nothing I can do about it now. I'll decide what course I want to take when I get to my goal weight, or at least a size I am happy with, regardless of what the scales say. I could exercise more and perhaps do some weight training, but I don't think that will help. My age has a lot to do with my skin not being so forgiving. I don't have to decide that today.
That's it for now. I'm feeling good and I'm going to continue to work toward that goal of being a healthier person and being happy in my own skin.
Woof, from Phoebe, Meows form Hannah and Houdini and xoxo from me.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
The scales are in the closet - and other thoughts.
I mentioned in my last post that I was getting stressed out by the scales and I was going to stop weighing every week. I have done just that. The scales are in the closet. Not that far away, but I have to work to get them out and weigh, so it has worked. I'm not jumping on the scales every other day to see if I've lost anymore. I did get weighed last Monday at my surgeon's office, but that doesn't count. I haven't weighed myself since then. Believe me, I'll still weigh myself, just not as often. It does give me motivation to see though numbers drop, but should not stress me out or discourage me.
About my 6 month post op appointment with my surgeon, it went very well. I know not everybody who follows my blog reads my facebook page, so for some of you, this is old news. I had lost 100 pounds as of my appointment. My surgeon, Dr. Richard was pleased with my progress and had good things to say. He also told me that my weight loss was probably going to slow down from what it has been in the last 6 months. He said that he didn't want me to get discouraged when this happens. He said I would plateau more often, but the weight should continue to come off as long as I stayed true to the program. I am doing my best. I see him again in 6 months. I have to get some lab work done to make sure I don't have any deficiencies. I take a boat load of vitamins and supplements everyday. It's good to check though.
Last night, I had a piece of baked fish and then had a couple of bites of green beans. They looked good and I wanted some. Big mistake! It was too much. I was full after the fish and should have stopped. I was miserable for a while as always when I over eat, but this time it did not go away. It felt like if I opened my mouth, you would see the green beans. They were not going down. Finally, I got very nauseated and went and vomited the beans up. This is the first time I have vomited food back up. It was my fault. I should have stopped after the fish. I know that when I feel full that I should stop eating. Actually, I felt much better after I vomited, but I hate to throw up. Really, hate it! I hope I will learn from this mistake .It just seems like because I eat such a little amount, that my stomach should be able to hold more. Duh!!! I had surgery to make my stomach much smaller. Obviously, it worked.
Today, I have been more careful about the amount I eat and have stopped when I felt full. Like I've said before, I'm never really hungry, so I don't eat out of hunger. I eat out of habit and only because I want it. I don't eat "bad" things. No cookies, potato chips or any junk. I am eating healthy. I just need to be careful about the amount. Today, I have been frustrated that I think so much about eating. There is more to life than what I am going to eat, and life after weight loss surgery. I say this, then remember that is has only been 6 months since surgery and I need to give myself a break. I do have to be careful and plan my meals. It's what I have to do to be successful after this surgery. I am not through losing weight and still need to be very aware of what I eat. It is NOT all I think about really. I have responsibilities and I keep them. I don't really have tunnel vision about this part of my life. I need to give myself a break. This is important work I'm doing and it involves thought and planning. When I get this way, I need to get up and go outside, walk or be active in some way. I certainly don't do nearly enough exercise.
My sister gave me some dresses that I had packed up at her house. They were dresses I wore back in the late 1980's. I was much smaller then. Two of the dresses are actually still in style after all these years.They are a pretty classic look. I tried them on before even looking at the sizes. They did not fit and I was discouraged. I am not there yet, but it doesn't mean I won't get there. Again, I need to give myself a break. My sister still has more clothes that are mine. They are different sizes. I need to go and see what I've got and if I can wear any of them now. It doesn't mean I'm a failure. I just have more work to do.
You might be reading this and thinking, "Good grief! She has lost 100 pounds and is whining about it not being enough." It isn't enough, but I also know that I have done really well. I am my own worse enemy. I knew in the beginning that this was going to be a long journey. It was going to take time. I just want to be honest about my feelings and be true myself. Everyday is not like this. Some days I am so happy about where I've come from and my good results. Be patient with me. Again, this is hard work. Some days I want to eat like I used to before the surgery. Eating fatty food was a comfort and I thought made me feel better. I know it didn't really comfort me. I would just tell myself that. Eating healthy is so much better for me and is helping lose weight. That should be enough of a reward, but it isn't always. I just want what I want. I'm stomping my foot here. Get over yourself, Bonnie. You are doing what you need to do and the result will be good. Just be patient.
That's enough. Until next time,
Woof from Phoebe, meows from Hannah and Houdini and xoxo from me.
About my 6 month post op appointment with my surgeon, it went very well. I know not everybody who follows my blog reads my facebook page, so for some of you, this is old news. I had lost 100 pounds as of my appointment. My surgeon, Dr. Richard was pleased with my progress and had good things to say. He also told me that my weight loss was probably going to slow down from what it has been in the last 6 months. He said that he didn't want me to get discouraged when this happens. He said I would plateau more often, but the weight should continue to come off as long as I stayed true to the program. I am doing my best. I see him again in 6 months. I have to get some lab work done to make sure I don't have any deficiencies. I take a boat load of vitamins and supplements everyday. It's good to check though.
Last night, I had a piece of baked fish and then had a couple of bites of green beans. They looked good and I wanted some. Big mistake! It was too much. I was full after the fish and should have stopped. I was miserable for a while as always when I over eat, but this time it did not go away. It felt like if I opened my mouth, you would see the green beans. They were not going down. Finally, I got very nauseated and went and vomited the beans up. This is the first time I have vomited food back up. It was my fault. I should have stopped after the fish. I know that when I feel full that I should stop eating. Actually, I felt much better after I vomited, but I hate to throw up. Really, hate it! I hope I will learn from this mistake .It just seems like because I eat such a little amount, that my stomach should be able to hold more. Duh!!! I had surgery to make my stomach much smaller. Obviously, it worked.
Today, I have been more careful about the amount I eat and have stopped when I felt full. Like I've said before, I'm never really hungry, so I don't eat out of hunger. I eat out of habit and only because I want it. I don't eat "bad" things. No cookies, potato chips or any junk. I am eating healthy. I just need to be careful about the amount. Today, I have been frustrated that I think so much about eating. There is more to life than what I am going to eat, and life after weight loss surgery. I say this, then remember that is has only been 6 months since surgery and I need to give myself a break. I do have to be careful and plan my meals. It's what I have to do to be successful after this surgery. I am not through losing weight and still need to be very aware of what I eat. It is NOT all I think about really. I have responsibilities and I keep them. I don't really have tunnel vision about this part of my life. I need to give myself a break. This is important work I'm doing and it involves thought and planning. When I get this way, I need to get up and go outside, walk or be active in some way. I certainly don't do nearly enough exercise.
My sister gave me some dresses that I had packed up at her house. They were dresses I wore back in the late 1980's. I was much smaller then. Two of the dresses are actually still in style after all these years.They are a pretty classic look. I tried them on before even looking at the sizes. They did not fit and I was discouraged. I am not there yet, but it doesn't mean I won't get there. Again, I need to give myself a break. My sister still has more clothes that are mine. They are different sizes. I need to go and see what I've got and if I can wear any of them now. It doesn't mean I'm a failure. I just have more work to do.
You might be reading this and thinking, "Good grief! She has lost 100 pounds and is whining about it not being enough." It isn't enough, but I also know that I have done really well. I am my own worse enemy. I knew in the beginning that this was going to be a long journey. It was going to take time. I just want to be honest about my feelings and be true myself. Everyday is not like this. Some days I am so happy about where I've come from and my good results. Be patient with me. Again, this is hard work. Some days I want to eat like I used to before the surgery. Eating fatty food was a comfort and I thought made me feel better. I know it didn't really comfort me. I would just tell myself that. Eating healthy is so much better for me and is helping lose weight. That should be enough of a reward, but it isn't always. I just want what I want. I'm stomping my foot here. Get over yourself, Bonnie. You are doing what you need to do and the result will be good. Just be patient.
That's enough. Until next time,
Woof from Phoebe, meows from Hannah and Houdini and xoxo from me.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Standing still
I posted on March 14 that I had lost 91 pounds. Today, April 24, I have lost 98 pounds. That's only 7 pounds in over a month. I was so excited about getting to that 100 mark and here I am pretty much standing still in the 90's. I know that is still good. I have lost a lot of weight in a short period of time. My body has changed significantly. I know that your weight will plateau at times during weight loss. I have heard fellow weight loss friends speak of this. It's almost like your body needs to take an occasional break. I know this, but I'm not happy about it. It is frustrating when the scales don't move. I think I told you about a woman in my support group who does not weight herself. She said she didn't want to be controlled by a number. Her reason for having the surgery was to get healthy and the number does not matter. I wish I could be more like her, but I get encouraged by seeing that number drop every week. I'm sure I put too much emphasis on that number. If I didn't weight weekly, I would not be so conscience of a plateau. Maybe I should only weigh every 2 weeks or even once a month. I would have to remove the scales from my house because I would be tempted to jump on them if they were there. I will consider doing this.
I have some idea of why I am not losing as fast. It could just be a plateau like I said, but it could be more than that. I think I have said that I am not really physically hungry. That is still the case. According to my surgeon, I am supposed to eat 3 meals a day, and one of those meals should be a protein drink. There is supposed to be no snacking in between meals. I am supposed to eat 70-80 grams of protein a day. This is just about impossible when you only have 3 meals a day and not eating in between meals. If I drink or eat only protein supplements, I would get around 60-70 grams. I am also supposed to get at least 64 ounces of fluids in. Some days are better than others with the fluids. Drinking fluids fills be up and I am not hungry. This is why you do not drink 30 minutes before or after a meal. Still, my stomach feels full when I drink and I don't want to eat a meal. I've become lazy about eating to nourish my body and instead listening to my body tell me I don't need to eat. Also, instead of preparing a meal, I will snack on almonds or something simple and handy. This does not count as a meal. In the beginning, and until most recently, I ate those 3 meals whether I was hungry or not. I was persistant about getting in as much protein as I could. Now that I have no restrictions on what I eat (like not eating raw vegetables or beef for 6 months), I will have a salad or a vegetable for a meal. The number one rule is to eat your protein part of the meal first. If there is room in your stomach to eat more, you can have a vegetable or low carb. I've not been doing that. That salad or vegetable is so good that I will eat it first and then have no room for the protein. This is not good. I am certainly not overeating. I am more likely not eating enough of the right thing. I need to get back on track and be disciplined to eating what my body needs. Protein. I sometimes even skip a meal because I am not hungry. I know that not eating will slow down weight loss. Shape up, Bonnie! You know what to do and how to eat - so, do it. I need to remember that I need to nourish my body and not starve it
I will start again eating those 3 meals of high protein foods. I will not snack for a meal, but prepare what I need to be eating. I will be diligent about getting in all of my water/fluids and work to get as much protein as I can in a day. I will do the work and not listen to my brain telling me not to eat or worse yet, to snack instead of a meal. I've done so well. I will continue to follow the plan and lose the rest of the weight to make me a healthier person. Last of all, I will not be driven by what the scale says. If I am eating like I should, the weight will come off. Tomorrow is a new day. I also will not beat up on myself because my weight loss has slowed down. Not eating is not the answer.
Thanks for listening. As I've said before, this journey is not easy.
This one is just from me. (The furry part of my family can't help me with this, except to just love me - and they do.)
I have some idea of why I am not losing as fast. It could just be a plateau like I said, but it could be more than that. I think I have said that I am not really physically hungry. That is still the case. According to my surgeon, I am supposed to eat 3 meals a day, and one of those meals should be a protein drink. There is supposed to be no snacking in between meals. I am supposed to eat 70-80 grams of protein a day. This is just about impossible when you only have 3 meals a day and not eating in between meals. If I drink or eat only protein supplements, I would get around 60-70 grams. I am also supposed to get at least 64 ounces of fluids in. Some days are better than others with the fluids. Drinking fluids fills be up and I am not hungry. This is why you do not drink 30 minutes before or after a meal. Still, my stomach feels full when I drink and I don't want to eat a meal. I've become lazy about eating to nourish my body and instead listening to my body tell me I don't need to eat. Also, instead of preparing a meal, I will snack on almonds or something simple and handy. This does not count as a meal. In the beginning, and until most recently, I ate those 3 meals whether I was hungry or not. I was persistant about getting in as much protein as I could. Now that I have no restrictions on what I eat (like not eating raw vegetables or beef for 6 months), I will have a salad or a vegetable for a meal. The number one rule is to eat your protein part of the meal first. If there is room in your stomach to eat more, you can have a vegetable or low carb. I've not been doing that. That salad or vegetable is so good that I will eat it first and then have no room for the protein. This is not good. I am certainly not overeating. I am more likely not eating enough of the right thing. I need to get back on track and be disciplined to eating what my body needs. Protein. I sometimes even skip a meal because I am not hungry. I know that not eating will slow down weight loss. Shape up, Bonnie! You know what to do and how to eat - so, do it. I need to remember that I need to nourish my body and not starve it
I will start again eating those 3 meals of high protein foods. I will not snack for a meal, but prepare what I need to be eating. I will be diligent about getting in all of my water/fluids and work to get as much protein as I can in a day. I will do the work and not listen to my brain telling me not to eat or worse yet, to snack instead of a meal. I've done so well. I will continue to follow the plan and lose the rest of the weight to make me a healthier person. Last of all, I will not be driven by what the scale says. If I am eating like I should, the weight will come off. Tomorrow is a new day. I also will not beat up on myself because my weight loss has slowed down. Not eating is not the answer.
Thanks for listening. As I've said before, this journey is not easy.
This one is just from me. (The furry part of my family can't help me with this, except to just love me - and they do.)
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
When will I learn?!!
I cooked some country style ribs this afternoon and was looking forward to having some for supper. I pulled the meat off the bones and separated out a small amount for me and put a little barbeque sauce on the side. I am sitting here now so miserable. I ate small bites like I supposed to, but as I often do, I ate too fast. I was thinking how to describe to you how awful it feels when you eat too fast or too much. It's worse than feeling full after a big meal. It is nauseating and painful. Literally painful. I should know not to do this, but somehow you forget how terrible the feeling is, even after one bite too many. I immediately feel regret that I took that extra bite. I want this feeling to go away quickly, but it doesn't. It takes a while. Sometimes, it is so miserable that I need to go and lay down until the feeling subsides. In this case, I don't think I ate too much. It was less than a couple of ounces, but I know that I was watching tv and eating, and not paying attention to how fast I was taking each bite. One of the things you learn before surgery is to not do anything but pay attention to your eating during a meal. Do not do other things because then you start mindless eating and the result is eating too fast, taking too big of bites, not chewing enough, overeating and not savoring each bite. I know this. I do, So, why do I keep doing it? It's not like I'm starving to death, because I'm not. In fact, I rarely feel physical hunger. Now, hunger in my mind is another story. Sometimes, I just want to eat - for no reason. I think it is partly boredom. It happens mostly when I am watching tv. I try to keep my hands occupied and always have water at my side to drink. My mind can talk me into doing or feeling anything. I have to mentally tell myself that I am not hungry and that this is just a felling and not actual hunger. It works most of the time, but I have to admit that I have snacked on almonds or saltines just because my mind says I need to eat. This journey is not easy. My own mind can sabotage my best efforts. I'm finally feeling back to normal after about an hour. When will I learn?
I'm down 97 pounds and I'm thrilled about that number. I'm so close to 100, but I can't stop there even if it does sound good. The last couple of weeks my weight has stayed around that 97 mark. It's not that I'm overeating. I think I've been on a plateau and my body just has to catch up. Tomorrow is Wednesday, my official, unofficial day to weigh. Hopefully, the scale will move in the right direction - and soon.
I posted a current picture of myself on Facebook the other day. I know that I have lost weight. I can tell in my clothes, but what I see when I look in the mirror is not what other people see when they look at me. I am happy when people tell me how different I look, but I don't see it. At least, not as much as they do. My mind still sees that extremely overweight woman. If I stop and study myself, I can notice that I have ankle bones and wrist bones and collar bones. I can see my knee caps. I'm beginning to have a jaw line. My face is slimmer. My back and midriff are smoother. On the other hand, I have a lot of loose skin under my arms and on my legs. It's not a pretty sight. I can cover it up for now with 3/4 length sleeves and long pants, but it's going to get hot with summer coming. Certainly, surgery can take care of extra skin, but I'm nowhere near ready for that. I still have too much more to lose. Something to consider on down the road.
Again, let me voice my appreciation to everyone for their continued support. I am overwhelmed with all the comments I receive. I am at the same time surprised that some people I know never comment. My therapist says that it is their stuff and not mine. They might be dealing with issues I know nothing about or that they don't know how to express their feelings. I am very verbal and express my feelings and opinions easily. Maybe, too much and too easily at times. I know that I am not the center of the universe and my experiences are not as important to some as they are to me. I try not to take their silence personally. Instead, I focus on all the compliments and encouraging words I do receive. I am fortunate to have so many people pulling for me to succeed. That's a wonderful feeling.
That's it for now. I covered way more than I planned. I will end my saying that I purchased new underwear today. Every time I pulled down my pants, my underwear came too. It was time.
Until next time,
woof from Phoebe, meows from Hannah & Houdini and xoxo from me.
I'm down 97 pounds and I'm thrilled about that number. I'm so close to 100, but I can't stop there even if it does sound good. The last couple of weeks my weight has stayed around that 97 mark. It's not that I'm overeating. I think I've been on a plateau and my body just has to catch up. Tomorrow is Wednesday, my official, unofficial day to weigh. Hopefully, the scale will move in the right direction - and soon.
I posted a current picture of myself on Facebook the other day. I know that I have lost weight. I can tell in my clothes, but what I see when I look in the mirror is not what other people see when they look at me. I am happy when people tell me how different I look, but I don't see it. At least, not as much as they do. My mind still sees that extremely overweight woman. If I stop and study myself, I can notice that I have ankle bones and wrist bones and collar bones. I can see my knee caps. I'm beginning to have a jaw line. My face is slimmer. My back and midriff are smoother. On the other hand, I have a lot of loose skin under my arms and on my legs. It's not a pretty sight. I can cover it up for now with 3/4 length sleeves and long pants, but it's going to get hot with summer coming. Certainly, surgery can take care of extra skin, but I'm nowhere near ready for that. I still have too much more to lose. Something to consider on down the road.
Again, let me voice my appreciation to everyone for their continued support. I am overwhelmed with all the comments I receive. I am at the same time surprised that some people I know never comment. My therapist says that it is their stuff and not mine. They might be dealing with issues I know nothing about or that they don't know how to express their feelings. I am very verbal and express my feelings and opinions easily. Maybe, too much and too easily at times. I know that I am not the center of the universe and my experiences are not as important to some as they are to me. I try not to take their silence personally. Instead, I focus on all the compliments and encouraging words I do receive. I am fortunate to have so many people pulling for me to succeed. That's a wonderful feeling.
That's it for now. I covered way more than I planned. I will end my saying that I purchased new underwear today. Every time I pulled down my pants, my underwear came too. It was time.
Until next time,
woof from Phoebe, meows from Hannah & Houdini and xoxo from me.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
The dreaded dumping syndrome
Just the other day I was proudly saying that I had not experience any vomiting or dumping syndrome. Famous last words. I am actually surprised I lived to see another day. It was that bad. I got home from work last evening, fed the animals, but wasn't quite ready to eat. I had some green grapes in the freezer and decided to have a few of them. They were good, but after a few minutes my stomach started to cramp. We're talking terrible cramps that double you over. I also felt very nauseated and was sweating profusely. I thought I was going to faint. Not a good combination. I went to the bathroom and sat doubled over with the trash can in front of me. Finally, after about 45 minutes of this, I had massive diarrhea. I won't go further with my description, but suffice to say, I won't be eating any more grapes. I have had stomach cramps and diarrhea before, but nothing like this. I have heard other people who experienced this say that they thought they were having a heat attack. I even did a paper on dumping syndrome while I was in nursing school, so I was familiar with the symptoms - just not first hand. Usually what brings this on is eating concentrated sugars. I had not done this. The only thing I can think could have caused this was the skin on the grapes. Maybe my stomach couldn't tolerated it. I have eaten fresh apple and pear, but I peeled it first. We are told not to eat anything with a thick skin, but who would call a grape a thick skin. Not me. Anyway, the cramping lessened, but didn't go away and I spent most of the night in the bathroom. My sweet little dog and kitties stayed right with me. I think they were scared, too. I woke up this morning feeling sore and washed out. I have been better today, but most of the day didn't feel good. I was really afraid to eat this morning, thinking it would happen again. I did have some diarrhea this afternoon, but nothing like last night. I have been so good not to eat anything high in sugar in fear that this would happen. Getting that sick is a great motivator not to break the rules. I was good and it still happened. Not fair!! Yeah, I know...who said life was fair. I told you in the beginning of this blog that I would tell the good and the bad. Well, this was the bad. The terrible The awful. Hopefully, I won't experience that again.
The good news is that I'm on my way to losing 100 pounds. As of yesterday, I have lost 91 pounds. Certainly this journey hasn't been without some distressing symptoms, but I wouldn't take back having the surgery. It has been great losing so much weight, and I've learned a lot about myself in the process. I still have a ways to go. I hope, no, I know, I am going to be successful.
I'm going next week to see my orthopedist and hopefully get a cortisone injection in both knees. Losing this weight has not lessened that pain. Another motivator in continuing to lose weight so I can eventually have knee replacements.
I hope my next post will be free of yucky side affects. Let me say again how wonderful it is to live with animals, especially for those of you who do not have pets. They knew something was very wrong and refused to leave me alone. That's love.
Until next time,
woof, meow x 2 and xoxo from me and my gang.
The good news is that I'm on my way to losing 100 pounds. As of yesterday, I have lost 91 pounds. Certainly this journey hasn't been without some distressing symptoms, but I wouldn't take back having the surgery. It has been great losing so much weight, and I've learned a lot about myself in the process. I still have a ways to go. I hope, no, I know, I am going to be successful.
I'm going next week to see my orthopedist and hopefully get a cortisone injection in both knees. Losing this weight has not lessened that pain. Another motivator in continuing to lose weight so I can eventually have knee replacements.
I hope my next post will be free of yucky side affects. Let me say again how wonderful it is to live with animals, especially for those of you who do not have pets. They knew something was very wrong and refused to leave me alone. That's love.
Until next time,
woof, meow x 2 and xoxo from me and my gang.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Surprised emotion in this journey
There is so much more to weight loss than just weight loss. It brings up emotions that I didn't expect. Grief for one. You might say, how could that be? It doesn't really make sense. But, really, it does. I didn't expect grief to be part of the process, but I'm not sure what else to call what I feel. Eating was a great comfort for me. If I was feeling bad about something, I could eat certain foods and soothe myself. I would eat as a reward, too. If I felt good about something I accomplished or was just having a good day, a special food made it even better. Now, I know this is not the right way to feel about food, but it is a fact. Food is to nourish our bodies. But, it is more than that for many of us. I don't think I'm alone in this. I have discovered that many of those feel good foods, I am now not able to tolerate.They make me feel bad instead of good or comforted by them. This is sad in a way, but also optimistic. I now have to find new ways besides eating to comfort myself. Also, I need to find new ways to celebrate victories in my life. This is not so easy, when eating is part of many of our ways of celebration. I have talked of this before. I am just discovering this is so personal for me. It is a grieving process to let go of old habits. It's hard. I've found it is also a big part of this process. I'm working on this daily. I don't have all the answers.
So, I'm so pleased to be losing weight, but also feeling sadness in letting go.
More discoveries to come, I am sure.
Until then,
woof, meow and xoxo from me and my gang.
So, I'm so pleased to be losing weight, but also feeling sadness in letting go.
More discoveries to come, I am sure.
Until then,
woof, meow and xoxo from me and my gang.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
I need to whine - or maybe just some wine.
I do have some things to report, but first I need to do a little whining. Not that I have any right to complain because I have done really well. I am losing weight rapidly. My clothes don't fit anymore. I am beginning to look different. I feel better, for the most part. My blood pressure is normal. My blood work looks good. I have come off some of my medications. I am physically moving better, although my knees still hurt. I am not plagued with hunger. All is good, right? Well, no. Here comes the whining. I am so sick of being nauseated. I am not dizzy anymore which is wonderful, but feeling sick to your stomach a good deal of the time really sucks. Pardon the sucks word, but it does. I am not nauseated all the time, which again is good. But, I feel sick pretty much after every meal. This includes my protein shake that I usually have for breakfast. I have my shake for breakfast just to get it out of the way for the day. I have tried having it for lunch, but it doesn't make much difference. Again, it's not just the protein shake, but anything I eat. It takes the joy out of eating, which I suppose could serve me well while I am trying to get the weight off. My therapist said I should look at it that way. That it is keeping me from overeating. This is a good thought, except I need to eat something to stay nourished. I'm supposed to eat 3 meals a day with no snacking in between. This is not a problem. I do feel bad after every meal though. Here is the rub. It is hard to tell you have had enough to eat or feel full until you take that one extra bite. Then you feel miserable. Too full and nauseated. I used to eat pretty fast. If you eat too fast, you will be miserable. I used to always drink while I ate my meal. No more. You will fill your stomach up with fluids and not be able to eat that all important protein. Then you will feel miserable. If you do not chew your food well, it does not want to go down and you guessed it....you will feel miserable. It's hard to break old eating habits. Eating slowly, chewing well, not drinking with meals and just plain overeating. I always cleaned my plate. Not anymore. I eat off a much smaller plate and often leave food uneaten. I also would have thought at this point that I would be eating more than a one course meal. I was taught before surgery that you are to always eat your protein first. If there is room for more, you can add a vegetable or something else.. I do miss eating vegetables and I really miss being able to eat salad. That will not be forever. Six months post op you can have salad. This is because raw vegetables are harder to digest. I think I am compliant with all these rules, but still feel nauseated. I have mentioned before that I have been told that some people are just nauseated more than others after surgery. I get queezy really easily on a good day. I have bad motion sickness. You would at least think I would be able to eat without that icky feeling. Hence the whining about nausea. I have been told it will go away. I have to believe this.
One thing I can be grateful about is, as I mentioned, I am not hungry. I know I need to eat, so I do. I have been told that I will get my appetite back. I'm not in any hurry to feel hungry again, but I'm sure it will come. In the mean time, I'll use it to my advantage. There are foods I miss eating. I don't crave them, just I en- joyed them and don't anymore. I used to love dairy foods. I was a milk drinker. Not anymore. I can eat eggs and some cheese and yogert. I used to love breakfast. Of course french toast was my favorite - or pancakes or waffles. I suppose I could eat that, but it is so high is carbohydrates and calories and all the fat and sugar you put on them. I choose not to eat them. I'm not really whining about that. I did love ice cream. But, no more. It makes my stomach hurt and upsets it. Usually, diarrhea. Oh, well. Again, I don't really feel deprived. I do want pasta. I don't crave it, but I do want it. That is the one food I cannot control. I will always eat too much. I have observed that I don't chew it well. I also eat too big of bites. Imagine here twirling the spaghetti on the fork until it is a huge bite. Not a good thing for someone with a little stomach. It will make you miserable after one bite. If I would eat a small amount and chew it well and stop when I feel full, it would be good. But, I don't. Another thing to be grateful for is that I do not crave sweets. I have been through, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, New Years and Valentine's day without chocolate or any candy. It is truly amazing that I don't feel deprived. The thought of getting sick from sugar overload keeps me from even wanting to try any. I like bread and would like to eat some, but I know that it would fill me up really fast, besides the carbs and calories. I choose not to eat it - or at least very little of it. Yet, another good thing is that I don't eat fast food. It is too greasy and full of empty calories. I have had Wendy's chili and it was good. I can eat about one half of a small chili and be full. I am cooking more, which is good because you can control how you prepare your food and what ingredients you use. It is hard to cook such a little amount at a time, so I eat a lot of left overs. I have gotten better about the size of my cooking portions. I guess that is enough talking about food.
I did go back to my internist and have repeat blood work done. My levels were back to normal. My blood pressure was normal, although I still take a smaller dose of one of the blood pressure medications I was on. I have noticed that I am retaining fluid in my hands and feet. I was taking a diuretic for my high blood pressure and because I tended to have a lot of fluid retention. I gained a couple of pounds and felt puffy. I took a dose of the diuretic and within a day the puffiness and extra pounds were gone. I will see my internist again in 3 months just to follow up. I also saw my psychiatrist and wanted to decrease one of my medicines for depression. Mainly because it cost me $70.00 a month, but also because I am feeling good and not depressed. He did not think this was a good idea. I really have to agree. Why mess up a good thing. I have always thought that the reason I took such high doses and so many meds was related to my weight. After all, a lot of medications are prescribed based on weight. These medications, however, are not. I know this. I am on these medications because I have needed them to keep me on an even keel. I do have depression and an obsessive compulsive disorder. I wish I was obsessive about cleaning house, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. You don't get to choose what you are obsessive about. The good thing is that it is greatly controlled with medication. So, those medications did not change. I trust my doctor. I have been seeing him for over 20 years and he has gotten my through a lot. Hopefully, we can revisit this again.
I think that is it for now. I appreciate you listening to the good and the bad. I'm continuing to get in smaller clothes. One of my favorite rings doesn't fit anymore. I'll wait and have it re-sized though. I do have a lot to be grateful for. One more thing before I stop. I have mentioned that my mind does not keep up with my weight loss. I discovered that I have had the feeling that all this weight loss and the changes are going to stop and I will go back to where I was. That I don't deserve this good thing. I realize that this is irrational, but it is a feeling I am having and wanted to tell you about it. I'm working on it.
Ok, this is really all for this this update. Stay tuned for more..
Until then,
woof from Phoebe, meows from Hannah & Houdini and xoxo from me.
One thing I can be grateful about is, as I mentioned, I am not hungry. I know I need to eat, so I do. I have been told that I will get my appetite back. I'm not in any hurry to feel hungry again, but I'm sure it will come. In the mean time, I'll use it to my advantage. There are foods I miss eating. I don't crave them, just I en- joyed them and don't anymore. I used to love dairy foods. I was a milk drinker. Not anymore. I can eat eggs and some cheese and yogert. I used to love breakfast. Of course french toast was my favorite - or pancakes or waffles. I suppose I could eat that, but it is so high is carbohydrates and calories and all the fat and sugar you put on them. I choose not to eat them. I'm not really whining about that. I did love ice cream. But, no more. It makes my stomach hurt and upsets it. Usually, diarrhea. Oh, well. Again, I don't really feel deprived. I do want pasta. I don't crave it, but I do want it. That is the one food I cannot control. I will always eat too much. I have observed that I don't chew it well. I also eat too big of bites. Imagine here twirling the spaghetti on the fork until it is a huge bite. Not a good thing for someone with a little stomach. It will make you miserable after one bite. If I would eat a small amount and chew it well and stop when I feel full, it would be good. But, I don't. Another thing to be grateful for is that I do not crave sweets. I have been through, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, New Years and Valentine's day without chocolate or any candy. It is truly amazing that I don't feel deprived. The thought of getting sick from sugar overload keeps me from even wanting to try any. I like bread and would like to eat some, but I know that it would fill me up really fast, besides the carbs and calories. I choose not to eat it - or at least very little of it. Yet, another good thing is that I don't eat fast food. It is too greasy and full of empty calories. I have had Wendy's chili and it was good. I can eat about one half of a small chili and be full. I am cooking more, which is good because you can control how you prepare your food and what ingredients you use. It is hard to cook such a little amount at a time, so I eat a lot of left overs. I have gotten better about the size of my cooking portions. I guess that is enough talking about food.
I did go back to my internist and have repeat blood work done. My levels were back to normal. My blood pressure was normal, although I still take a smaller dose of one of the blood pressure medications I was on. I have noticed that I am retaining fluid in my hands and feet. I was taking a diuretic for my high blood pressure and because I tended to have a lot of fluid retention. I gained a couple of pounds and felt puffy. I took a dose of the diuretic and within a day the puffiness and extra pounds were gone. I will see my internist again in 3 months just to follow up. I also saw my psychiatrist and wanted to decrease one of my medicines for depression. Mainly because it cost me $70.00 a month, but also because I am feeling good and not depressed. He did not think this was a good idea. I really have to agree. Why mess up a good thing. I have always thought that the reason I took such high doses and so many meds was related to my weight. After all, a lot of medications are prescribed based on weight. These medications, however, are not. I know this. I am on these medications because I have needed them to keep me on an even keel. I do have depression and an obsessive compulsive disorder. I wish I was obsessive about cleaning house, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. You don't get to choose what you are obsessive about. The good thing is that it is greatly controlled with medication. So, those medications did not change. I trust my doctor. I have been seeing him for over 20 years and he has gotten my through a lot. Hopefully, we can revisit this again.
I think that is it for now. I appreciate you listening to the good and the bad. I'm continuing to get in smaller clothes. One of my favorite rings doesn't fit anymore. I'll wait and have it re-sized though. I do have a lot to be grateful for. One more thing before I stop. I have mentioned that my mind does not keep up with my weight loss. I discovered that I have had the feeling that all this weight loss and the changes are going to stop and I will go back to where I was. That I don't deserve this good thing. I realize that this is irrational, but it is a feeling I am having and wanted to tell you about it. I'm working on it.
Ok, this is really all for this this update. Stay tuned for more..
Until then,
woof from Phoebe, meows from Hannah & Houdini and xoxo from me.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Dizziness update - and more changes to report.
Last post I mentioned that the medication, Reglan, that my surgeon had prescribed was the cure for my nausea, and it was. Unfortunately, I started having the dizziness again, which lead me to believe that it was more than dehydration. I also started having restless legs. Not being able to stay still is a terrible feeling. There is a real diagnosis for restless legs and medication to treat it, but as I began to think about recent changes I thought about the Reglan. So, I looked up side effects for Reglan and there is was - dizziness and restlessness. It would have been easy to leave it there and not question things any more, but I thought something else could be causing these symptoms. I decided to start with my internist and get some lab work done to make sure it was not something with my body chemistry. Turns out it was a good place to start and seeing my doctor was a good decision. My blood pressure was low. Really low for me. I have hypertension and I am treated for it with 2 different medications. I started taking medication for this diagnosis in my twenties. Hypertension runs in my family so it only seems natural that I would have it, too. My doctor decided to take my off one of the medications completely and decrease the other one by half. While I'm on this subject it tells me that a family history of a disease does not mean than you are doomed to have the same family history. Losing weight has caused my blood pressure to drop. Maybe we can change our own history. A pretty good reason to lose weight. Now, back to the office visit. My labs show that my potassium and chloride were low. The low blood pressure and lab results are reasons to cause dizziness. What do you know! My doctor also thinks that I could be experiencing side effects of the Reglan as well, so I am trying not to take it as much. She prescribed me a medication for nausea called Zofran. While this is good for the nausea, it does not do everything that Reglan does. Reglan also helps with digestion, something Zofran does not. I've got these medications and I am trying to only use them when my symptoms get so bad than I cannot tolerate them. We'll see how that goes. In the meantime, my dizziness has pretty much gone away. Taking away those medications for high blood pressure must be working. I am going to have some repeat lab work done tomorrow and then a followup visit with my doctor on Monday. I have checked my blood pressure throughout the last couple of weeks and it is up some from where it was and my restless leg symptoms are pretty much gone, too. Decreasing my Reglan use must be helping, too.
So, I am learning what might seem obvious. Losing a great deal of weight does cause other changes in your body than just decreasing your size in clothes. Getting to come off some of my medication is a great pay off. Having troublesome symptoms is not a great way to find this out, but it does get your attention that things are changing in your body. I also contacted my psychiatrist during these symptoms just to rule out any problems with the medication I take for depression. He didn't seem to think that these meds would cause the symptoms I was having. I have an appointment to see him for the first time since I started losing weight. I'm sure he will see a difference in me. I am wondering if a decrease in some of these medication could be warranted as well. Since medication is sometimes based on weight, it would figure to me that I could use less. I am not depressed which is good. My medications are working and changing that balance could cause changes I don't want. I certainly want to be off more of my medicines, but I don't want to go backwards either. I will discuss this with him when I see him next week. I also contacted my weight loss surgeon, too. Symptoms of nausea are not uncommon after surgeon. Some have more than others and I am told that it will eventually go away. I am looking forward to that day.
Since my last post, I am down another pant size. Now in a size 5 times smaller than I was. I have decided to buy one pair of pants as the last pair gets too big. I'm still wearing the same tops even though they are too big for now. I guess I will eventually have to replace them, too. As of yesterday, I have now lost 75 pounds. I am thrilled, but it is also hard to believe. These changes come slower to my brain. Also, a friend gave me a gown that she was not wearing. It is a size 1x. It fits perfectly. I was sure it would not fit before I tried it on. I was wearing a 4x to 5x in some clothes. Certainly amazing to me. As I have already said, this is hard for me to believe. It has been a long time since I could wear such smaller sizes.
One last thing. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but some people have given me a compliment that is disturbing to me. I have been told that it won't be long now before I'll be married. That some man is now going to sweep me off my feet and change my life. I know these folks mean this as a compliment, but it is not. I am not losing weight in order to get married. The two have nothing to do with each other. I am losing weight for me. I want to be a healthier person. I want to feel better in my own skin. I have been single all my adult life. I am not unhappy about this. If I were to meet someone and fall in love, it would be fine. But, this could have happen no matter what I weighed. That statement says to me that something must have been wrong with me that no man would not want an overweight woman. I don't believe this. I am the same person I was 75 pounds heavier. It is true, I feel better and I am feeling better about my appearance, but not in an attempt to get a man. Sure, if something did now happen in the romance department, it would be an adjustment. But, there are going to be lots of new changes and adjustments. I will take them as they come. Let me repeat. I am losing weight for me. I hope you all understand this.
That's enough for now. I appreciate all the compliments and "atta girl's". I want you to continue to encourage and support me. I hope my comments won't change that. I just want you to understand what I am experiencing in this journey.
As for now and until next time.
woof from Phoebe, meow x 2 from Hannah & Houdini and xoxoxo from Bonnie
So, I am learning what might seem obvious. Losing a great deal of weight does cause other changes in your body than just decreasing your size in clothes. Getting to come off some of my medication is a great pay off. Having troublesome symptoms is not a great way to find this out, but it does get your attention that things are changing in your body. I also contacted my psychiatrist during these symptoms just to rule out any problems with the medication I take for depression. He didn't seem to think that these meds would cause the symptoms I was having. I have an appointment to see him for the first time since I started losing weight. I'm sure he will see a difference in me. I am wondering if a decrease in some of these medication could be warranted as well. Since medication is sometimes based on weight, it would figure to me that I could use less. I am not depressed which is good. My medications are working and changing that balance could cause changes I don't want. I certainly want to be off more of my medicines, but I don't want to go backwards either. I will discuss this with him when I see him next week. I also contacted my weight loss surgeon, too. Symptoms of nausea are not uncommon after surgeon. Some have more than others and I am told that it will eventually go away. I am looking forward to that day.
Since my last post, I am down another pant size. Now in a size 5 times smaller than I was. I have decided to buy one pair of pants as the last pair gets too big. I'm still wearing the same tops even though they are too big for now. I guess I will eventually have to replace them, too. As of yesterday, I have now lost 75 pounds. I am thrilled, but it is also hard to believe. These changes come slower to my brain. Also, a friend gave me a gown that she was not wearing. It is a size 1x. It fits perfectly. I was sure it would not fit before I tried it on. I was wearing a 4x to 5x in some clothes. Certainly amazing to me. As I have already said, this is hard for me to believe. It has been a long time since I could wear such smaller sizes.
One last thing. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but some people have given me a compliment that is disturbing to me. I have been told that it won't be long now before I'll be married. That some man is now going to sweep me off my feet and change my life. I know these folks mean this as a compliment, but it is not. I am not losing weight in order to get married. The two have nothing to do with each other. I am losing weight for me. I want to be a healthier person. I want to feel better in my own skin. I have been single all my adult life. I am not unhappy about this. If I were to meet someone and fall in love, it would be fine. But, this could have happen no matter what I weighed. That statement says to me that something must have been wrong with me that no man would not want an overweight woman. I don't believe this. I am the same person I was 75 pounds heavier. It is true, I feel better and I am feeling better about my appearance, but not in an attempt to get a man. Sure, if something did now happen in the romance department, it would be an adjustment. But, there are going to be lots of new changes and adjustments. I will take them as they come. Let me repeat. I am losing weight for me. I hope you all understand this.
That's enough for now. I appreciate all the compliments and "atta girl's". I want you to continue to encourage and support me. I hope my comments won't change that. I just want you to understand what I am experiencing in this journey.
As for now and until next time.
woof from Phoebe, meow x 2 from Hannah & Houdini and xoxoxo from Bonnie
Saturday, January 19, 2013
The Bad, the Good.....and the Better
I can't remember if I mentioned last time that a lots of foods were making me nauseated or gave me a stomach ache, diarrhea or a just plain icky feeling. I know that when Edel was here, I was cooking more combination foods, rather than just one ingredient meals and they didn't seem to agree with me. Over the last couple of weeks my nausea got worse. It was all the time and not just after I ate something. I called my surgeon and was told that some people has a lot of nausea and was prescribed Reglan. It's a miracle drug or I was just sick with a bug for a couple of weeks. I think it might have been a little of both. Week before last, I got got very dizzy. I imagined that my eyes were going around in circles like in a cartoon. I cancelled an appointment with my therapist one day, but then the next I woke up feeling some better. I had an appointment with my oral surgeon in Atlanta. I decided I felt up to going. Big mistake. I got so nauseated on the way home. I was so dizzy. I shouldn't have been driving, but kept thinking I just needed to get home and I would be fine. I had to stop several times to either stick my head out the window or just close my eyes for a few minutes. Without going into more gory details, I did arrive safely home. For the next week, I continued with the nausea and dizziness. Miserable feeling. I didn't even want to drink or take my medicine and I'm pretty sure I was dehydrated. I learned 2 important things from this. If you are that sick, call a friend or go to the hospital - and don't drive in that condition. It really was foolish of me. I probably needed to get some IV fluids, too. Anyway, I am feeling so much better. I am still taking the Reglan because I was nauseated on a low level all the time before all this other happened. Evidently, having gastric bypass affects everybody differently. I have a couple of friends of friends on facebook and I belong to a forum for weight loss surgery who all have different stories, and symptoms to tell. I was thinking I had made the biggest mistake - that I could not live with this nauseated and being this dizzy all the time. Thankfully, I am symptom free at the moment and I'm feeling pretty good.
By no means was this weight loss surgery a free ride. I have to watch so carefully what I eat or I will get sick or be miserable, and wish I was sick. So far, I have not been all that hungry, but I understand that hunger pangs do come back (whether they are in my stomach or in my head). I know I have felt like I wanted to eat pasta - and I did. The problem with this is that my little stomach will not hold the same amount that my mind tells me I can have. I did not get sick and vomit, but for about 15 minutes I wished I had never put that pasta in my mouth. It felt stuck in the middle of my chest and actually hurt because it would not go down. I think I am getting lactose intolerant. Milk and ice cream do not agree with me, but fat free cheese seems to be ok. I think I have mentioned that if you eat concentrated sugar, your body will rebel and go into something called dumping syndrome. That is severe stomach and chest pains, intense nausea and massive diarrhea. I have yet to experience this and hope I never do. The fear of it certainly keeps me from eating candy or anything else high in sugar. Some foods give you terrible and very smelly gas. Lovely, huh! Just because my stomach is much smaller does not give me a license to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. There is a price to pay. My choices of food is no different than any other dieter. I can choose the continue to eat unhealthy and can stretch my new little stomach back out - not to mention the sickness, and even as far as death that can occur. Or, I can decide to use this tool for the good and begin a new healthy life. I choose the latter.
I just recently saw a fellow traveler on this journey and she told me I needed to change my profile picture on facebook. That I didn't look like that old picture anymore. I know I have lost weight. The scales say it. My clothes say it, and I can see results when I look in the mirror. But, and this is a big deal, my mind does not see what other people see. I mentioned last time that I was having a problem wanting to try on smaller sizes. I don't want to be disappointed if I try something on and it doesn't fit. My old clothes are baggy and comfortable and as an overweight person, that feels good. I did buy a smaller (4 sizes smaller) pair of pants and a new bra, only because the cup was so big it folded over on itself. Other than that, I'm waiting. I tell myself that I'm being practical because I won't stay in these sizes, but I know there is more. You will have to stay tuned for that. I'm working with my therapist on these issues, plus more. My body image has been so distorted for so long. I know, but then I don't know, that I am not a number on the scales. This is hard work.
About changing my picture. I have gotten so many compliments on how different or good I look. And that's at a 68 pound loss. I have so much more to lose. Those comments (your comments) have been wonderful to read and make me feel so good. I am even more determine to continue my journey and be successful. Again and again, thank you for your support of me.
Until next time,
Phoebe sends a very loud "WOOF", Hannah and Houdini send their best "Meows" and Bonnie sends her love and appreciation xoxoxo
By no means was this weight loss surgery a free ride. I have to watch so carefully what I eat or I will get sick or be miserable, and wish I was sick. So far, I have not been all that hungry, but I understand that hunger pangs do come back (whether they are in my stomach or in my head). I know I have felt like I wanted to eat pasta - and I did. The problem with this is that my little stomach will not hold the same amount that my mind tells me I can have. I did not get sick and vomit, but for about 15 minutes I wished I had never put that pasta in my mouth. It felt stuck in the middle of my chest and actually hurt because it would not go down. I think I am getting lactose intolerant. Milk and ice cream do not agree with me, but fat free cheese seems to be ok. I think I have mentioned that if you eat concentrated sugar, your body will rebel and go into something called dumping syndrome. That is severe stomach and chest pains, intense nausea and massive diarrhea. I have yet to experience this and hope I never do. The fear of it certainly keeps me from eating candy or anything else high in sugar. Some foods give you terrible and very smelly gas. Lovely, huh! Just because my stomach is much smaller does not give me a license to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. There is a price to pay. My choices of food is no different than any other dieter. I can choose the continue to eat unhealthy and can stretch my new little stomach back out - not to mention the sickness, and even as far as death that can occur. Or, I can decide to use this tool for the good and begin a new healthy life. I choose the latter.
I just recently saw a fellow traveler on this journey and she told me I needed to change my profile picture on facebook. That I didn't look like that old picture anymore. I know I have lost weight. The scales say it. My clothes say it, and I can see results when I look in the mirror. But, and this is a big deal, my mind does not see what other people see. I mentioned last time that I was having a problem wanting to try on smaller sizes. I don't want to be disappointed if I try something on and it doesn't fit. My old clothes are baggy and comfortable and as an overweight person, that feels good. I did buy a smaller (4 sizes smaller) pair of pants and a new bra, only because the cup was so big it folded over on itself. Other than that, I'm waiting. I tell myself that I'm being practical because I won't stay in these sizes, but I know there is more. You will have to stay tuned for that. I'm working with my therapist on these issues, plus more. My body image has been so distorted for so long. I know, but then I don't know, that I am not a number on the scales. This is hard work.
About changing my picture. I have gotten so many compliments on how different or good I look. And that's at a 68 pound loss. I have so much more to lose. Those comments (your comments) have been wonderful to read and make me feel so good. I am even more determine to continue my journey and be successful. Again and again, thank you for your support of me.
Until next time,
Phoebe sends a very loud "WOOF", Hannah and Houdini send their best "Meows" and Bonnie sends her love and appreciation xoxoxo
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Happy New Year 2013
It's been a busy couple of weeks since my last post because of Christmas, my birthday and New Years, but I've done extremely very well in the weight loss department. Let me brag right off the bat. I've lost another 12 pounds since my last blog on Dec. 17, which is a total of 64 pounds. I can hardly believe it, but the scales don't lie! I've learned a lot about what does not agree with my new stomach because I've been cooking more and trying new foods. I'm so excited about the weight loss, but I was afraid that I had gained because I felt like I was eating more food, when in fact I was just eating some different foods.
I went to my dear friends and adopted family, the Clark's, on Dec. 22 for their family celebration. There was lots of great foods but I tried to stay true to my diet. I did have roasted beets that where in a salad (I didn't eat the salad but picked out the beets) and they were delicious. I had a taste of a carrot souffle that was very good. I also had ham, brussle sprouts and asparagus. Sounds like a lot of food, but I only had a taste of all of them. Nothing sweet, but I did have some coffee with creamer which was also very good. I'm sure it was not fat free, but it did not upset my stomach. Next was Christmas day at my sister's house. I had ham again, a small amount of scalloped potatoes (again not fat free), baked beans and roasted califlower. No desserts again. Good for me! I felt like I ate too much, but I really think I was eating too fast because I had that stuck feeling in my chest. It goes away after a few minutes, but reminds me that I don't take enough time inbetween bites. I think I chew enough, but probably should be chewing more and swallowing less at a time. Anyway, survived the day and didn't eat supper that evening. I certainly didn't feel deprived in eating. The desserts didn't even appeal to me, because I don't want to get nauseated or have dumping syndrome (massive stomach cramps and diarrhea). Lastly, my friend Edel came on the 27th and stayed through New Years day. I cooked a lot more than I normally do and also different foods. One night I cooked baked chicken with fresh mushrooms and 98% fat free chicken cream soup. That was terrific. I also made brussle sprouts with onions and little pieces of ham. Delicious, but I could only have a couple of brussle sprouts and about 1/2 of a small chicken breast. I was stuffed. I also made turkey sausage with onions and pepers. I did alright with about 1/2 of a sausage link, but the onions and peppers did not go down so well. Bell peppers have always given me indigestion, but I love them. I believe they are going to be on the "don't eat" list. Didn't agree with me at all. Edel enjoyed hers and mine as well. I also made a 13 bean soup with ham, tomatoes and onions. I made cornbread to go with the soup. While this also tasted so good, I could not eat it. Maybe too spicy. Edel also ate hers and most of mine and I sent the rest home with her. I made Edel a doctored up protein shake every morning while she was here. Chocolate protein powder, skim milk, banana, peanut butter and ice to make it thick. It was so good, but I couldn't drink it, I think because of the milk. I made my stomach hurt after only a couple of swallows. I think skim milk does not agree with me. I also tried some sugar free ice cream that made my stomach hurt, too. I love dairy products, but I think they are going on the "don't eat" list, too. Also, coffee with cream (even sugar free or fat free) didn't agree with me. I started using a protein powder that mixes well with water and it goes down better than the one I used skim milk. Isopure seems to be the protein powder that does best for me now.
So, after all that, my new years resolutions are to continue to eat good foods, drink more water (lots more) and go to the gym 3 times a week. Also, to be a kinder, more loving and forgiving person. Always less judgemental. Every day is a new learning experience as far as my new eating is concerned. I just have to do the work everyday.
I'll go into more detail next time about my fear of trying on new sizes. Seems silly, but it's real. I'd rather just wear baggy clothes that don't show off anything.
Happy New Year. This is going to be a great year for me and my new body. The issues that go along with getting smaller are going to be challenging, but I'll make it. I will.
Until next time,
woof, meow and xoxo from Bonnie
I went to my dear friends and adopted family, the Clark's, on Dec. 22 for their family celebration. There was lots of great foods but I tried to stay true to my diet. I did have roasted beets that where in a salad (I didn't eat the salad but picked out the beets) and they were delicious. I had a taste of a carrot souffle that was very good. I also had ham, brussle sprouts and asparagus. Sounds like a lot of food, but I only had a taste of all of them. Nothing sweet, but I did have some coffee with creamer which was also very good. I'm sure it was not fat free, but it did not upset my stomach. Next was Christmas day at my sister's house. I had ham again, a small amount of scalloped potatoes (again not fat free), baked beans and roasted califlower. No desserts again. Good for me! I felt like I ate too much, but I really think I was eating too fast because I had that stuck feeling in my chest. It goes away after a few minutes, but reminds me that I don't take enough time inbetween bites. I think I chew enough, but probably should be chewing more and swallowing less at a time. Anyway, survived the day and didn't eat supper that evening. I certainly didn't feel deprived in eating. The desserts didn't even appeal to me, because I don't want to get nauseated or have dumping syndrome (massive stomach cramps and diarrhea). Lastly, my friend Edel came on the 27th and stayed through New Years day. I cooked a lot more than I normally do and also different foods. One night I cooked baked chicken with fresh mushrooms and 98% fat free chicken cream soup. That was terrific. I also made brussle sprouts with onions and little pieces of ham. Delicious, but I could only have a couple of brussle sprouts and about 1/2 of a small chicken breast. I was stuffed. I also made turkey sausage with onions and pepers. I did alright with about 1/2 of a sausage link, but the onions and peppers did not go down so well. Bell peppers have always given me indigestion, but I love them. I believe they are going to be on the "don't eat" list. Didn't agree with me at all. Edel enjoyed hers and mine as well. I also made a 13 bean soup with ham, tomatoes and onions. I made cornbread to go with the soup. While this also tasted so good, I could not eat it. Maybe too spicy. Edel also ate hers and most of mine and I sent the rest home with her. I made Edel a doctored up protein shake every morning while she was here. Chocolate protein powder, skim milk, banana, peanut butter and ice to make it thick. It was so good, but I couldn't drink it, I think because of the milk. I made my stomach hurt after only a couple of swallows. I think skim milk does not agree with me. I also tried some sugar free ice cream that made my stomach hurt, too. I love dairy products, but I think they are going on the "don't eat" list, too. Also, coffee with cream (even sugar free or fat free) didn't agree with me. I started using a protein powder that mixes well with water and it goes down better than the one I used skim milk. Isopure seems to be the protein powder that does best for me now.
So, after all that, my new years resolutions are to continue to eat good foods, drink more water (lots more) and go to the gym 3 times a week. Also, to be a kinder, more loving and forgiving person. Always less judgemental. Every day is a new learning experience as far as my new eating is concerned. I just have to do the work everyday.
I'll go into more detail next time about my fear of trying on new sizes. Seems silly, but it's real. I'd rather just wear baggy clothes that don't show off anything.
Happy New Year. This is going to be a great year for me and my new body. The issues that go along with getting smaller are going to be challenging, but I'll make it. I will.
Until next time,
woof, meow and xoxo from Bonnie
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