I need to whine - or maybe just some wine.

I do have some things to report, but first I need to do a little whining.  Not that I have any right to complain because I have done really well.  I am losing weight rapidly.  My clothes don't fit anymore.  I am beginning to look different.  I feel better, for the most part.  My blood pressure is normal.  My blood work looks good.  I have come off some of my medications.  I am physically moving better, although my knees still hurt. I am not plagued with hunger.  All is good, right?  Well, no.  Here comes the whining.  I am so sick of being nauseated.  I am not dizzy anymore which is wonderful, but feeling sick to your stomach a good deal of the time really sucks.  Pardon the sucks word, but it does.  I am not nauseated all the time, which again is good. But, I feel sick pretty much after every meal.  This includes my protein shake that I usually have for breakfast.  I have my shake for breakfast just to get it out of the way for the day.  I have tried having it for lunch, but it doesn't make much difference.  Again, it's not just the protein shake, but anything I eat.  It takes the joy out of eating, which I suppose could serve me well while I am trying to get the weight off.  My therapist said I should look at it that way.  That it is keeping me from overeating.  This is a good thought, except I need to eat something to stay nourished.  I'm supposed to eat 3 meals a day with no snacking in between.  This is not a problem. I do feel bad after every meal though.  Here is the rub.  It is hard to tell you have had enough to eat or feel full until you take that one extra bite.  Then you feel miserable.  Too full and nauseated.  I used to eat pretty fast.  If you eat too fast, you will be miserable.  I used to always drink while I ate my meal.  No more.  You will fill your stomach up with fluids and not be able to eat that all important protein.  Then you will feel miserable.  If you do not chew your food well, it does not want to go down and you guessed it....you will feel miserable.  It's hard to break old eating habits.  Eating slowly, chewing well, not drinking with meals and just plain overeating.  I always cleaned my plate.  Not anymore.  I eat off a much smaller plate and often leave food uneaten.  I also would have thought at this point that I would be eating more than a one course meal.  I was taught before surgery that you are to always eat your protein first.  If there is room for more, you can add a vegetable or something else..  I do miss eating vegetables and I really miss being able to eat salad.  That will not be forever.  Six months post op you can have salad.  This is because raw vegetables are harder to digest.  I think I am compliant with all these rules, but still feel nauseated.  I have mentioned before that I have been told that some people are just nauseated more than others after surgery. I get queezy really easily on a good day.  I have bad motion sickness.  You would at least think I would be able to eat without that icky feeling.  Hence the whining about nausea.  I have been told it will go away.  I have to believe this.

One thing I can be grateful about is, as I mentioned, I am not hungry.  I know I need to eat, so I do.  I have been told that I will get my appetite back.  I'm not in any hurry to feel hungry again, but I'm sure it will come. In the mean time, I'll use it to my advantage.  There are foods I miss eating.  I don't crave them, just I en- joyed them and don't anymore.  I used to love dairy foods.  I was a milk drinker.  Not anymore.  I can eat eggs and some cheese and yogert.  I used to love breakfast.  Of course french toast was my favorite - or pancakes or waffles.  I suppose I could eat that, but it is so high is carbohydrates and calories and all the fat and sugar you put on them.  I choose not to eat them.  I'm not really whining about that.  I did love ice cream.  But, no more.  It makes my stomach hurt and upsets it.  Usually, diarrhea.  Oh, well.  Again, I don't really feel deprived.  I do want pasta.  I don't crave it, but I do want it. That is the one food I cannot control.  I will always eat too much.  I have observed that I don't chew it well.  I also eat too big of bites.  Imagine here twirling the spaghetti on the fork until it is a huge bite. Not a good thing for someone with a little stomach.  It will make you miserable after one bite.  If I would eat a small amount and chew it well and stop when I feel full, it would be good.  But, I don't.  Another thing to be grateful for is that I do not crave sweets.  I have been through, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, New Years and Valentine's day without chocolate or any candy.  It is truly amazing that I don't feel deprived.  The thought of getting sick from sugar overload keeps me from even wanting to try any.  I like bread and would like to eat some, but I know that it would fill me up really fast, besides the carbs and calories.  I choose not to eat it - or at least very little of it.  Yet, another good thing is that I don't eat fast food.  It is too greasy and full of empty calories.  I have had Wendy's chili and it was good.  I can eat about one half of a small chili and be full.  I am cooking more, which is good because you can control how you prepare your food and what ingredients you use.  It is hard to cook such a little amount at a time, so I eat a lot of left overs.  I have gotten better about the size of my cooking portions.  I guess that is enough talking about food.

I did go back to my internist and have repeat blood work done.  My levels were back to normal.  My blood pressure was normal, although I still take a smaller dose of one of the blood pressure medications I was on.  I have noticed that I am retaining fluid in my hands and feet.  I was taking a diuretic for my high blood pressure and because I tended to have a lot of fluid retention.  I gained a couple of pounds and felt puffy.  I took a dose of the diuretic and within a day the puffiness and extra pounds were gone.  I will see my internist again in 3 months just to follow up.  I also saw my psychiatrist and wanted to decrease one of my medicines for depression.  Mainly because it cost me $70.00 a month, but also because I am feeling good and not depressed.  He did not think this was a good idea.  I really have to agree.  Why mess up a good thing. I have always thought that the reason I took such high doses and so many meds was related to my weight.  After all,  a lot of medications are prescribed based on weight.  These medications, however, are not.  I know this.  I am on these medications because I have needed them to keep me on an even keel.  I do have depression and an obsessive compulsive disorder.  I wish I was obsessive about cleaning house, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way.  You don't get to choose what you are obsessive about.  The good thing is that it is greatly controlled with medication.  So, those medications did not change.  I trust my doctor.  I have been seeing him for over 20 years and he has gotten my through a lot.  Hopefully, we can revisit this again.

I think that is it for now.  I appreciate you listening to the good and the bad.  I'm continuing to get in smaller clothes.  One of my favorite rings doesn't fit anymore.  I'll wait and have it re-sized though.  I do have a lot to be grateful for.  One more thing before I stop.  I have mentioned that my mind does not keep up with my weight loss.  I discovered that I have had the feeling that all this weight loss and the changes are going to stop and I will go back to where I was. That I don't deserve this good thing.  I realize that this is irrational, but it is a feeling I am having and wanted to tell you about it.  I'm working on it.

Ok, this is really all for this this update.  Stay tuned for more..

Until then,
woof from Phoebe, meows from Hannah & Houdini and xoxo from me.