Getting ready ~

I've started getting ready for my preop and postop diet changes.  Al & Barbara let me borrow their fancy/smancy blender that will blend, juice, puree just about anything you put in it.  I have a blender, but I don't think it can do all that this modern contraption can do.  I also went to the store and bought a zillion packs of sugar free jello and pudding.  They were on sale and I'm certainly going to need it for my 2 weeks before full liquid diet and post op as well.  I also bought no sugar added applesauce and chicken, beef and vegetable bullion for clear broth.  I have been reading labels and canned soups that I thought I could eat are out of the question.  Too much sugar.  Bummer, because I love Progresso hearty tomato soup -  but it has 13 gms of sugar.  Yikes!  No wonder it is so good.  The weight loss program people leave nothing undone.  They even give you a preop grocery list to go by and sample diet plans for the 2 weeks before surgery that you can only have full liquids.  Full liquids are much different than clear liquids because you can have things like low fat, sugar free yogurt, sugar free pudding, low fat cottage cheese (gross), low fat cream soups (they have to be strained), unsweetened applesauce and even no sugar added fudgesicles.  Clean liquid is only clear liquids.  I'm trying to be optimistic here.  I also have to have 2 high protein drinks a day.  They nutritionist suggested a powder product called Unjury, which is actually pretty good.  The protein supplement needs to have at least 30 grams of protein and no more than 7 grams of carbohydrates.  That majorly limits a lot of the over the counter protein drinks.  The powders come in chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, chicken soup and unflavored.  They also have a website that gives you lots of ideas of how to make these drinks more interesting that just adding water or skim milk.  Oh, I forgot, you can also have oatmeal, cream of wheat and grits that are thinned out with water.  What a treat! - but only once a day.  Portion sizes are also a major change.  Most portion sizes are 1/2 cup, but there are a few things you can have a cup. Yahoo!

Portion sizes change drastically postop.  You new pouch/stomach will only hold 2-3 ounces at a time.  That ain't much!  Go and measure out 3 ounces.  You will be amazed that you can survive on that little.  Hence, the protein drinks and vitamin supplementments.  After surgery you have to start taking vitamin supplements to make sure you are getting all the daily requirements - plus some.  You take a multi vitamin, B12, iron, B complex and calcium citrate.  They are either in chewable form or a liquid.  The reason you have to have so much protein is that you do not want to lose muscle mass while losing weight so rapidly. 

I think I have mentioned before that carbonation is  a big no-no.  It could actually burst your new pouch/stomach sutures.  I love carbonation, but I prefer not to have surgery again and possible die because of it.  Also, no more caffeine because it increases your appetite.  The only beverages you are allowed are decaffeinated tea and coffee, crystal Light, sugar free Kool-Aid, sugar free unsweetened juice, skim, 1%, lactain or low fat soy milk and of course, good old water.  There is also a 30/30 rule.  Once you start eating again, you have to wait 30 minutes before and after a meal to drink any liquid.  You don't want to fill up that tiny stomach with fluids and not have room for protein.  Protein first is the new and important rule.  If you can't eat anything else - you have to get that protein in.

I'm sure by now, you know way more than you ever wanted to know about my diet plan.  Diet is actually a dirty word, but you have to use it sometimes.  A healthier way of eating is the more appropriate wording.  I have 10 days - count them - 10 days to eat whatever terrible things I want to eat before my new way of healthy eating begins. Beef and pork are definately on the agenda, as well as ice cream, pasta and bread.  I need to get in some candy, too, because those days of eating candy are numbered.  No more Reece's Cups or Milky Way caramels (my new favorite candy bar).  I'm not going crazy and eating all that I can get my hands on.  But, I am going to enjoy a few before Oct. 2.  Some mac and cheese is in order, too.  THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.  I will eat again - just a more healthy way of eating.  Did I mention, that postop if I eat something high in sugar or eat too much that I will immediately vomit?  Talk about negative reinforcement!

So, I'm getting my pantry and refrigerator - and my attitude ready.  I'm going through my pantry and fridge this coming week and cleaning out anything that I cannot eat again.  My brother, Herman, will get what he wants and the rest will go to the local food pantry. 

May the force be with me.  I'm sure there is more to say, so, stay tuned.

Get ready. Get set. It's really gonna happen!

I have a surgery date.  October 16!  It will be here before I know it.  Now that I have an actual date, it seems like it has been forever since I first went to the informational seminar.  That was in June.  Actually 4 months is not that long in the sceme of things.  There was a lot to do get ready for this surgery.  Tons of paperwork, a visit with a psychologist, a sleep study and cpap to follow, a visit to see 2 of my primary physicians for approval, attending a support group, meeting the surgeon, a session with a nutritionist.  I'm sure I've leaving something out, but it's all done.  Yahoo!  This doesn't include all the hours I have spent discussing this with my therapist, Carole, and all the conversations I have had with friends, (and not so much friends), and family. 

The meeting with the nutritionist was great.  Edel, my support person extrodinaire, went with me.  It was so informative and I have a lot to learn and remember.  Thank goodness it is all written out in a booklet and Edel was there to hear it all with me.  Protein is the new magic word.  Between now and the big day, I have to start having a protein drink for one meal a day.  I have to start taking nutritional vitamin supplements and I have to start a 2 week, full liquid diet before the big day.  This means I have 2 weeks to have whatever food that I will not eat for a long time or maybe even never eat again.  I am not going stark raving crazy and eating everthing in sight.  It does mean, that I am going to enjoy steak, bacon, chocolate, pasta, bread, ice cream and carbonated drinks for the next 2 weeks.  I am.  These are my favorite things to eat and I will never have some of them again.  Kind of sad, but there is a lot of good foods that I like that I can eat.  It will be hard to make these changes but it will be good, too.  I'm sure I will have more to say about all of this.

Tuesday was a banner day.  I got a surgery date for something that I've wanted for way more than 4 months.  My life is never going to be the same.  Just saying that excites me and wears me out.  It's been an exciting week already and I haven't mentioned that I'm going to my 39th high school reunion on Saturday.  This is the first reunion I've been to in those past 39 years, so it's sorta a big deal.  I'm most excited about seeing my childhood friend, Wanda, who I haven't seen in 25 years.  I'm sure all those old classmates will be much older than me and I will look so much younger than them.

So, stay tuned.  More to come.

A Healing Touch.

I work with a young woman/child who is 24 years old and has severe cerebral palsy.  She is non-verbal and her only movements are spastic.  She has difficulty swallowing and gets her nutrition from a tube in her stomach.  Her secretions were much worse than usual today and she was getting choaked frequently.  I am able to suction her mouth and throat to help her, but by the look on her face, it does not feel good...., but has to be done.  I usually do range of motion exercises with her, but she was not feeling good, so we took a break.  I was trying to soothe her by holding her hand and stroking her face.  I took her hand and began to stroke my cheek with her hand.  She began to settle down some and closed her eyes.  This just reminded to me how important a simple touch can be.  It can even be healing.

Today is also my little sister's birthday.  She died in a house fire when she was 12 years old.  It was such a tragedy.  Her life had barely begun.  I have struggled over the years with the guilt of surviving and worry that she did not know how much I loved her.  It has been a hard day.  I mentioned her birthday on facebook and to several people today and got such loving and kind responses.  It has been 33 years since her death and it is true that time does heal, but some days the hurt feels raw.  Those words and acknowledgements are healing.  I feel loved today.

I am about to have surgery that is going to change my life.  While I am excited, I have concerns about money, the challenges of learning how to eat again, not wanting to disappoint people if I have struggles (and I will), and just the uncertainty of my new body.  I have many people who support me and I feel it.  I have friends who are willing to do whatever it takes to make this a less stressful time for me.  I am amazed by the generosity of my friends to help me.  I have had a lot hurts in my life and I have scars.  My heart and spirit have been broken, but because of the love and support of many people in my life, I  also know healing.  I am not the same person as I was and much of it is because of the healing touch of love.