A Healing Touch.

I work with a young woman/child who is 24 years old and has severe cerebral palsy.  She is non-verbal and her only movements are spastic.  She has difficulty swallowing and gets her nutrition from a tube in her stomach.  Her secretions were much worse than usual today and she was getting choaked frequently.  I am able to suction her mouth and throat to help her, but by the look on her face, it does not feel good...., but has to be done.  I usually do range of motion exercises with her, but she was not feeling good, so we took a break.  I was trying to soothe her by holding her hand and stroking her face.  I took her hand and began to stroke my cheek with her hand.  She began to settle down some and closed her eyes.  This just reminded to me how important a simple touch can be.  It can even be healing.

Today is also my little sister's birthday.  She died in a house fire when she was 12 years old.  It was such a tragedy.  Her life had barely begun.  I have struggled over the years with the guilt of surviving and worry that she did not know how much I loved her.  It has been a hard day.  I mentioned her birthday on facebook and to several people today and got such loving and kind responses.  It has been 33 years since her death and it is true that time does heal, but some days the hurt feels raw.  Those words and acknowledgements are healing.  I feel loved today.

I am about to have surgery that is going to change my life.  While I am excited, I have concerns about money, the challenges of learning how to eat again, not wanting to disappoint people if I have struggles (and I will), and just the uncertainty of my new body.  I have many people who support me and I feel it.  I have friends who are willing to do whatever it takes to make this a less stressful time for me.  I am amazed by the generosity of my friends to help me.  I have had a lot hurts in my life and I have scars.  My heart and spirit have been broken, but because of the love and support of many people in my life, I  also know healing.  I am not the same person as I was and much of it is because of the healing touch of love.