I need to whine - or maybe just some wine.

I do have some things to report, but first I need to do a little whining.  Not that I have any right to complain because I have done really well.  I am losing weight rapidly.  My clothes don't fit anymore.  I am beginning to look different.  I feel better, for the most part.  My blood pressure is normal.  My blood work looks good.  I have come off some of my medications.  I am physically moving better, although my knees still hurt. I am not plagued with hunger.  All is good, right?  Well, no.  Here comes the whining.  I am so sick of being nauseated.  I am not dizzy anymore which is wonderful, but feeling sick to your stomach a good deal of the time really sucks.  Pardon the sucks word, but it does.  I am not nauseated all the time, which again is good. But, I feel sick pretty much after every meal.  This includes my protein shake that I usually have for breakfast.  I have my shake for breakfast just to get it out of the way for the day.  I have tried having it for lunch, but it doesn't make much difference.  Again, it's not just the protein shake, but anything I eat.  It takes the joy out of eating, which I suppose could serve me well while I am trying to get the weight off.  My therapist said I should look at it that way.  That it is keeping me from overeating.  This is a good thought, except I need to eat something to stay nourished.  I'm supposed to eat 3 meals a day with no snacking in between.  This is not a problem. I do feel bad after every meal though.  Here is the rub.  It is hard to tell you have had enough to eat or feel full until you take that one extra bite.  Then you feel miserable.  Too full and nauseated.  I used to eat pretty fast.  If you eat too fast, you will be miserable.  I used to always drink while I ate my meal.  No more.  You will fill your stomach up with fluids and not be able to eat that all important protein.  Then you will feel miserable.  If you do not chew your food well, it does not want to go down and you guessed it....you will feel miserable.  It's hard to break old eating habits.  Eating slowly, chewing well, not drinking with meals and just plain overeating.  I always cleaned my plate.  Not anymore.  I eat off a much smaller plate and often leave food uneaten.  I also would have thought at this point that I would be eating more than a one course meal.  I was taught before surgery that you are to always eat your protein first.  If there is room for more, you can add a vegetable or something else..  I do miss eating vegetables and I really miss being able to eat salad.  That will not be forever.  Six months post op you can have salad.  This is because raw vegetables are harder to digest.  I think I am compliant with all these rules, but still feel nauseated.  I have mentioned before that I have been told that some people are just nauseated more than others after surgery. I get queezy really easily on a good day.  I have bad motion sickness.  You would at least think I would be able to eat without that icky feeling.  Hence the whining about nausea.  I have been told it will go away.  I have to believe this.

One thing I can be grateful about is, as I mentioned, I am not hungry.  I know I need to eat, so I do.  I have been told that I will get my appetite back.  I'm not in any hurry to feel hungry again, but I'm sure it will come. In the mean time, I'll use it to my advantage.  There are foods I miss eating.  I don't crave them, just I en- joyed them and don't anymore.  I used to love dairy foods.  I was a milk drinker.  Not anymore.  I can eat eggs and some cheese and yogert.  I used to love breakfast.  Of course french toast was my favorite - or pancakes or waffles.  I suppose I could eat that, but it is so high is carbohydrates and calories and all the fat and sugar you put on them.  I choose not to eat them.  I'm not really whining about that.  I did love ice cream.  But, no more.  It makes my stomach hurt and upsets it.  Usually, diarrhea.  Oh, well.  Again, I don't really feel deprived.  I do want pasta.  I don't crave it, but I do want it. That is the one food I cannot control.  I will always eat too much.  I have observed that I don't chew it well.  I also eat too big of bites.  Imagine here twirling the spaghetti on the fork until it is a huge bite. Not a good thing for someone with a little stomach.  It will make you miserable after one bite.  If I would eat a small amount and chew it well and stop when I feel full, it would be good.  But, I don't.  Another thing to be grateful for is that I do not crave sweets.  I have been through, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, New Years and Valentine's day without chocolate or any candy.  It is truly amazing that I don't feel deprived.  The thought of getting sick from sugar overload keeps me from even wanting to try any.  I like bread and would like to eat some, but I know that it would fill me up really fast, besides the carbs and calories.  I choose not to eat it - or at least very little of it.  Yet, another good thing is that I don't eat fast food.  It is too greasy and full of empty calories.  I have had Wendy's chili and it was good.  I can eat about one half of a small chili and be full.  I am cooking more, which is good because you can control how you prepare your food and what ingredients you use.  It is hard to cook such a little amount at a time, so I eat a lot of left overs.  I have gotten better about the size of my cooking portions.  I guess that is enough talking about food.

I did go back to my internist and have repeat blood work done.  My levels were back to normal.  My blood pressure was normal, although I still take a smaller dose of one of the blood pressure medications I was on.  I have noticed that I am retaining fluid in my hands and feet.  I was taking a diuretic for my high blood pressure and because I tended to have a lot of fluid retention.  I gained a couple of pounds and felt puffy.  I took a dose of the diuretic and within a day the puffiness and extra pounds were gone.  I will see my internist again in 3 months just to follow up.  I also saw my psychiatrist and wanted to decrease one of my medicines for depression.  Mainly because it cost me $70.00 a month, but also because I am feeling good and not depressed.  He did not think this was a good idea.  I really have to agree.  Why mess up a good thing. I have always thought that the reason I took such high doses and so many meds was related to my weight.  After all,  a lot of medications are prescribed based on weight.  These medications, however, are not.  I know this.  I am on these medications because I have needed them to keep me on an even keel.  I do have depression and an obsessive compulsive disorder.  I wish I was obsessive about cleaning house, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way.  You don't get to choose what you are obsessive about.  The good thing is that it is greatly controlled with medication.  So, those medications did not change.  I trust my doctor.  I have been seeing him for over 20 years and he has gotten my through a lot.  Hopefully, we can revisit this again.

I think that is it for now.  I appreciate you listening to the good and the bad.  I'm continuing to get in smaller clothes.  One of my favorite rings doesn't fit anymore.  I'll wait and have it re-sized though.  I do have a lot to be grateful for.  One more thing before I stop.  I have mentioned that my mind does not keep up with my weight loss.  I discovered that I have had the feeling that all this weight loss and the changes are going to stop and I will go back to where I was. That I don't deserve this good thing.  I realize that this is irrational, but it is a feeling I am having and wanted to tell you about it.  I'm working on it.

Ok, this is really all for this this update.  Stay tuned for more..

Until then,
woof from Phoebe, meows from Hannah & Houdini and xoxo from me.

Dizziness update - and more changes to report.

Last post I mentioned that the medication, Reglan, that my surgeon had prescribed was the cure for my nausea, and it was.  Unfortunately, I started having the dizziness again, which lead me to believe that it was more than dehydration.  I also started having restless legs.  Not being able to stay still is a terrible feeling.  There is a real diagnosis for restless legs and medication to treat it, but as I began to think about recent changes I thought about the Reglan.  So, I looked up side effects for Reglan and there is was  - dizziness and restlessness.  It would have been easy to leave it there and not question things any more, but I thought something else could be causing these symptoms.  I decided to start with my internist and get some lab work done to make sure it was not something with my body chemistry. Turns out it was a good place to start and seeing my doctor was a good decision.  My blood pressure was low.  Really low for me.  I have hypertension and I am treated for it with 2 different medications.  I started taking medication for this diagnosis in my twenties.  Hypertension runs in my family so it only seems natural that I would have it, too.  My doctor decided to take my off one of the medications completely and decrease the other one by half.  While I'm on this subject it tells me that a family history of a disease does not mean than you are doomed to have the same family history.  Losing weight has caused my blood pressure to drop.  Maybe we can change our own history.  A pretty good reason to lose weight.  Now, back to the office visit.  My labs show that my potassium and chloride were low.  The low blood pressure and lab results are reasons to cause dizziness.  What do you know!  My doctor also thinks that I could be experiencing side effects of the Reglan as well, so I am trying not to take it as much.  She prescribed me a medication for nausea called Zofran.  While this is good for the nausea, it does not do everything that Reglan does.  Reglan also helps with digestion, something Zofran does not.  I've got these medications and I am trying to only use them when my symptoms get so bad than I cannot tolerate them.  We'll see how that goes.  In the meantime, my dizziness has pretty much gone away.  Taking away those medications for high blood pressure must be working.  I am going to have some repeat lab work done tomorrow and then a followup visit with my doctor on Monday.  I have checked my blood pressure throughout the last couple of weeks and it is up some from where it was and my restless leg symptoms are pretty much gone, too.  Decreasing my Reglan use must be helping, too.

So, I am learning what might seem obvious.  Losing a great deal of weight does cause other changes in your body than just decreasing your size in clothes.  Getting to come off some of my medication is a great pay off. Having troublesome symptoms is not a great way to find this out, but it does get your attention that things are changing in your body.  I also contacted my psychiatrist during these symptoms just to rule out any problems with the medication I take for depression.  He didn't seem to think that these meds would cause the symptoms I was having.  I have an appointment to see him for the first time since I started losing weight.  I'm sure he will see a difference in me.  I am wondering if a decrease in some of these medication could be warranted as well.  Since medication is sometimes based on weight, it would figure to me that I could use less.  I am not depressed which is good.  My medications are working and changing that balance could cause changes I don't want.  I certainly want to be off more of my medicines, but I don't want to go backwards either.  I will discuss this with him when I see him next week.  I also contacted my weight loss surgeon, too.  Symptoms of nausea are not uncommon after surgeon.  Some have more than others and I am told that it will eventually go away.  I am looking forward to that day.

Since my last post, I am down another pant size.  Now in a size 5 times smaller than I was.  I have decided to buy one pair of pants as the last pair gets too big.  I'm still wearing the same tops even though they are too big for now.  I guess I will eventually have to replace them, too.  As of yesterday, I have now lost 75 pounds.  I am thrilled, but it is also hard to believe.  These changes come slower to my brain.  Also, a friend gave me a gown that she was not wearing.  It is a size 1x.  It fits perfectly.  I was sure it would not fit before I tried it on.  I was wearing a 4x to 5x in some clothes.  Certainly amazing to me.  As I have already said, this is hard for me to believe.  It has been a long time since I could wear such smaller sizes.

One last thing.  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but some people have given me a compliment that is disturbing to me.  I have been told that it won't be long now before I'll be married.  That some man is now going to sweep me off my feet and change my life. I know these folks mean this as a compliment, but it is not.  I am not losing weight in order to get married.  The two have nothing to do with each other.  I am losing weight for me.  I want to be a healthier person.  I want to feel better in my own skin.  I have been single all my adult life.  I am not unhappy about this.  If I were to meet someone and fall in love, it would be fine.  But, this could have happen no matter what I weighed.  That statement says to me that something must have been wrong with me that no man would not want an overweight woman.  I don't believe this.  I am the same person I was 75 pounds heavier.  It is true, I feel better and I am feeling better about my appearance, but not in an attempt to get a man.  Sure, if something did now happen in the romance department, it would be an adjustment.  But, there are going to be lots of new changes and adjustments.  I will take them as they come.  Let me repeat.  I am losing weight for me.  I hope you all understand this.

That's enough for now.  I appreciate all the compliments and "atta girl's".  I want you to continue to encourage and support me.  I hope my comments won't change that.  I just want you to understand what I am experiencing in this journey.

As for now and until next time.
woof from Phoebe, meow x 2 from Hannah & Houdini and xoxoxo from Bonnie