As of a couple of weeks ago, I met my weight loss goal. I weigh 160 pounds. That's 180 pounds gone. Amazing, even to me. I knew I could do it, but there were doubts along the way. It reminds me of my goal of becoming a registered nurse. I wanted it so badly, but in the back of my mind, I had thoughts that I wasn't smart enough to get through school. It had been such a long time since I'd been a student, and even then I was only an average student. I realize now, that it wasn't that I didn't have it in me to be a good student, but, that I had so much going on at home that it distracted me from becoming all that I could be. That's not an excuse. It's just a fact. When I decided to go to college, my goal was to do my very best. I still had distractions, but now I was an adult and could make my own decisions as to what was best for me. Nursing school was hard, but I got through and graduated. I did my best, passed my boards and have been a RN for 27 years.
Back to more recent goals that were met. I know that I cannot rest on my laurels. I have relaxed some about my eating habits, but not without paying for it. If I thing that I can eat a larger amount, I am miserable. It's more that feeling overly full, knowing that you ate too much. It's actually a sick feeling. Sometimes nauseating, but more often to the point where I have to lie down until that awful feeling passes. I cannot breathe well, and it is almost a hurt feeling. I cannot function until it goes away. I have had bad choices and ate foods that are not good for me. I don't always get physically sick, but I know that I compromising my goals of healthy eating. Those choices can lead to weight gain. My weight has fluctuated between 160 to 165 pounds, but not beyond that. I can see how easily it is to put the pounds back on. Too easy - and that's only making the choice to have a few cookies or chips. I think that little bit can't possibly hurt. The problem is, that it doesn't stop there. I start with a few cookies, etc. and continue to push my boundaries. This is a life long journey. I will always have to watch what I eat and stay active. That goal to get to 160 pounds was a big goal, but it's only a number on the scale. What is important is that I continue to make healthy choices in my eating. It doesn't mean that I can't have a cookie or a food treat once in a while, but that I know when to stop.
I had someone who I respect, just recently tell me that she wasn't sure I could accomplish this much of a weight loss. She is pleased and proud of me, but she was realistic enough to have doubts I would make it this far. At first, it hurt my feelings. I thought she had no faith in my abilities to get it done. One of my biggest hurdles has been in the belief that everything is black or white. There is no give and take. The fact is that she knew that I had the ability to stick to my goals. And, after all, I had the same doubts. There were and are bad days, where I want to eat everything in sight. But, the difference is I can make those important choices. I can also stop and consider the consequences of those choices that are not good for me. I have learned that lesson along the way, and it hasn't always been related to food. All of life is a matter of choice and it's consequences.
And so, it continues. My life and my decisions to stay healthy. To maintain my weight loss. To be a kind and loving person. To not make snap judgments about people. To be open to new possibilities.
Those are all tough goals that we all deal with every day. I know that I need support. We all do. Let's continue to get on with living together. I'm in. Are you with me?
This is not the end. Until then,
Woof from Phoebe, meows x 2 from H&H, and xoxo from the ever changing, Bonnie
