I've been using my c-pap for 5 days now, and while it has maybe gotten a little better, I am sleep deprived. This is where the irritable comes in. I really like to sleep and I'm ill as a hornet (as my mother would say), when I don't sleep well. I went away for the weekend and took my machine with me. I am a very compliant patient, but it is getting hard. The gal from the medical supply company called me yesterday and asked if I was feeling better. I said, "are you kidding? I would just like to sleep through the night!" She suggested if it didn't get any better in a few days to try another kind of mask. I might just do that. Somethings got to give.
I've had several people ask me some questions and I'd like to address them. If you are one of the people who ask these questions, don't be offended. I just want to discuss this is a little detail and let you know my feelings. One - no two people asked me why I just didn't go on the tv show, The Biggest Loser. Wouldn't that be easier than surgery, they asked. Well, no. To tell the truth, I thought I was not as obese as the people on that show. I have discovered that there is no weight requirement to go on that show. I would be eligible if that was what I wanted to do. But, I don't. You have to give up your life for pretty much a year and be willing to be be taped and on television during your journey. Also, the amount of exercise you need to do is not realistic for me. My knees are bad and I do not want to injure tham any more than they already are. This is not for me. I've made the commitment to have the surgery and feel it's the best way for me to go. I don't feel like I need to explain anymore. Another thing someone said to me was, "so you will probably get married after you lose all that weight?" What??? I was a little taken back by this statement. The two have nothing to do with each other. Being overweight has nothing to do with the fact that I have never married. Plenty of people I know, and do not know, who are overweight have been or are married. The thought that I am too fat or undesirable to be married is not something I believe. Maybe, others do. Frankly I would be disappointed with any friend I have or anyone who knows me who would think that. There is so much more to me than the fact that I am overweight. I feel no need to try and justify that I am somehow not complete without a husband. I like my life. Sure, I get lonely and sure I think I would like a male to share my life with, but who doesn't get lonely and want their life to be different at some point? There are advantages and disadvantages to both. I would have liked to have had children. That is a fact. That is not because I am overweight either. I have my reasons for not being married and not having children. I would be willing to discuss these reasons with anyone who asked and was truly interested in me. I do not want to go into that here. I do get impatient with people who make such statements. I don't mind answering questions, though, that I feel deserves an answer.
This month, Edel and I are going to a support group meeting. We are also going to tackle the paperwork that pertains to us both and take it to the surgeon's office to get that out of the way. I am going to see my internist this month also. I want to discuss my decision with her and I need to get her authorization to have the surgery. I don't expect this to be a problem. We have discussed my weight many times and I know I have her support to make my life more healthy. That's it for August. In September is when I see the nutritionist and I expect that things will pick up after that. I should get a surgery date at that point if all my other requirements are done. They will be. In some ways I would like things to move more quickly. I do know that I have more to learn about the post op experience and about learning to eat differently. That takes time. I want to be completely ready in every way before I have the surgery.
As I meet more goals and have more feelings, I will be sharing them with you. Until then, stay tuned. Even now, I want and need your support.
1 comment:
Bonnie, I tried to leave a comment on the installment where 3 people commented, but it didn't "take." Maybe this one will. I am trying to keep up with your blogging. I'm sorry that some people have been less than supportive and (in my opinion) some have been unnecessarily rude. Every time I read something you've written, I feel a little stronger that we need to talk. Keep your chin up. As long as you are diligent and tenacious, this will happen for you. Barbara P.
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